Joking Apart

You are either against political violence or you are not, Jo Brand. More broadly, Britain is famous for its sense of humour because it is fundamentally a serious country. There are joke countries, and they are not remotely funny to live in. This is not one, so it does not want a joke Prime Minister.

Start calling him "Johnson", like any other politician, rather than "Boris", a faintly exotic middle name that he does not even use in private life; both his father and his sister have had to correct themselves after absent-mindedly calling him "Al" on television.

But he is not funny, anyway. He conspired with his schoolmate, the then-renowned fraudster Darius Guppy, to have the News of the World journalist Stuart Collier beaten up. The conspiracy was caught on tape. He would have gone to prison anywhere other than the gangster state that the Normans founded even, if marginally, before they founded the Kingdom of Sicily. Even in this state, most other people would have done so. But not a made man. Obviously.

Orgreave and its cover-up. The Hillsborough cover-up, and indeed the attitudes that gave rise to the tragedy in the first place. The Stephen Lawrence cover-up, and indeed the attitudes that gave rise to the tragedy in the first place. The Jean Charles de Menezes cover-up, and indeed the attitudes that gave rise to the tragedy in the first place, with the principal conspirator since made the most senior Police Officer in the country. Grenfell Tower, any resolution of which will come in the city of the American Declaration of Independence. 

Incidents far too numerous to list in Northern Ireland, which will very soon turn out to have been all for nothing, anyway. The war crimes in Afghanistan and Iraq. The war crimes of Afghanistan and Iraq, again all for nothing in the end, and which latter, at least, was freely admitted 10 years ago on television by Tony Blair on television to Fern Britton, in the only interview, properly so called, to which he has ever been subjected in his life. But that interview has had absolutely no adverse consequences for him. Well, of course not. He is a made man.

And on and on and on it goes, even including the decision not to prosecute the Duke of Edinburgh for dangerous driving. Potentially all the way to making Al Johnson Prime Minister. Al Johnson, who goes by a nickname and an affected "larger-than-life" persona, like so many other gangsters. Al Johnson, who like so many other gangsters conspires with old friends who are notorious fraudsters with a view to having interfering reporters beaten up, if not worse. Days from now, Al Johnson could be Prime Minister.

Another hung Parliament is coming, however, and we need our people to hold the balance of power in it. A new party will be registered before the House of Commons rises for the summer recess, even if I have to pay for it myself, ongoing lawfare or no ongoing lawfare. And I will stand for Parliament here at North West Durham even if I can raise only the deposit, which I could do by going pretty overdrawn, although that was not how I was brought up. I would still prefer to raise the £10,000 necessary to mount a serious campaign, but I am no longer making my candidacy conditional on having done so. In any event, please email davidaslindsay@hotmail.com. Very many thanks.