Wednesday, 2 September 2026

Don’t Dream It, Be It

Reform UK is now third in the polls, and Nigel Farage reentered the House of Commons to silence, without so much as a handshake from the Speaker, before telling GB News that he hardly intended to set foot in the place again. Starting as he meant to go on, he did not attend one second of Andy Burnham’s three and a half hours at the Despatch Box.

That was only marginally less time than Keir Starmer’s entire service as a Member of Parliament alongside Jeremy Corbyn and Rishi Sunak, both of whom have outlasted him. Suggest uses for Starmer. There, that didn’t take very long, did it? But the deaths of Tim Curry and Dolly Parton remind us that we shall never see Dolly’s Dr. Frank-N-Furter, which would have broken all box office records. Starmer could at least give that his best shot, with other parts played by Waheed Alli, Peter Mandelson, Jenny Chapman, David Lammy, Rachel Reeves, Darren Jones, and so forth. But which ones, and why? Thanks to Alli, Starmer already has much of the costume. Bought for his wife, my foot.

There might also be a cameo in the Ali G film that should have been, if there had to be another one at all, catching up with the former Alistair Leslie Graham MP. Isla Fisher really must have taken Sacha Baron Cohen to the cleaners, since he will now do absolutely anything. At 54, older than Richard Wilson was when he first played Victor Meldrew, he is lampooning a youth subculture that has not existed in more than 20 years. Not unlike the Starmer Project, in fact. The new film’s critical and commercial failure will be a fitting tombstone on the grave of Starmerism, and Zack Polanski’s equally tasteless comedy act will deserve to lose the Holborn and St Pancras by-election by fewer votes than had been received by an authentically left-wing candidate who was therefore, and as much unlike Reform as unlike the Greens, sound on Ukraine, drugs, gender identity, and much else besides.

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