Trigger Happy

Naughty, naughty, naughty old stalwarts of North West Durham Constituency Labour Party, who now refer to the Member of Parliament as "Trigger". In 2017, you voted and, up to a point, you campaigned for a candidate whom many of you could not name, and whom next to none of you had ever met. This year, are you going to vote and campaign for an MP whom you would have deselected if you had had the time?

No, of course not, as you are touring the watering holes and the worshipping holes to tell anyone who will listen. You have wanted me ever since 2003, when Hilary Armstrong, whom you held beneath contempt, imposed a (spectacularly unsuccessful) District Council candidate on Lanchester without a selection meeting and deprived me of the portfolio that you had arranged for me upon my election. There and then, you determined that vengeance would eventually be exacted by making me the MP when I was a bit older.

Since then, I have made promises at deathbeds. I have had widows come up to me at wakes to say that, "He always wanted you to be the MP." I have had a bishop, now gone to his rest, promise to begin my campaign by coming to the constituency that contained Consett, Ushaw College and Pontop Hall, and publicly anointing me. Throughout this decade, the local great and good have introduced me at funerals as, "The man who should have been our MP." Since the last General Election, a death has no longer been a prerequisite to such an introduction. 

Although I paid little attention at just shy of 15, the idea that I ought to become the MP for this seat in the fullness of time was first suggested in the summer of 1992. I was very ill in 2010, and I was probably still too young, anyway. I was newly charged in 2017. But my health problems are now under control, and the lawfare against me has now been a standing joke for almost two years. Assuming that this year's General Election occurred after 23rd September, then I would be 42.

Another hung Parliament is coming, and we need our people to hold the balance of power in it. A new party is now in the process of registration. I will stand for Parliament here at North West Durham even if I can raise only the deposit, which I could do by going pretty overdrawn, although that was not how I was brought up. I would still prefer to raise the £10,000 necessary to mount a serious campaign, but I am no longer making my candidacy conditional on having done so. In any event, please email davidaslindsay@hotmail.com. Very many thanks.