Problem Solved

If, outside a statistical margin of error (say, three per cent), either per capita spending or outcomes in a given area of government (health, education, whatever) were lower in any of three Northern regions, or either of the two Midland regions, or the South West, or East Anglia, than in any of Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland London or the South East, then the pay of the relevant Ministers, always including the Prime Minister, should be docked by the percentage difference.

If, for example, all three Northern regions were behind in this way, one by four per cent, one by five, and one by six, then the Ministers' pay would be docked by fifteen per cent.

That should solve the problem pretty quickly.

Now we, the people of the North, the Midlands, the South West and East Anglia, just need to elect MPs who will legislate to this effect.