Swilling Around

Pity poor Louise Mensch, and not only for all the reasons that already applied.

Poor Samantha Cameron, the second choice after a dead pig. Poor, poor Rebekah Brooks, the third choice after Samantha Cameron and a dead pig.

But poor, poor, poor Louise Mensch, who merely aspires to be the fourth choice after Rebekah Brooks, Samantha Cameron and a dead pig.

Never mind the Army. The posh boys' drinking club and outdoor recreational facility that has today staged a coup has been the BBC, which has kept David Cameron in office as a conscious editorial decision, a political choice, a partisan intervention.

We are back in 1936, when the rest of the world knew all about Mrs Simpson, but when the Abdication Crisis came as a complete shock to the British public.

Continuing Twitter's pattern of covering David Cameron's back by making critical trends disappear, #piggate, which is at or near the top everywhere else on earth, has mysteriously vanished from the ratings in the United Kingdom.

Lord Ashcroft may have been trying to buy Ministerial office, as numerous others have sought to do, not always without success. But David Cameron put his penis in the head of a dead pig. And the whole world knows it.

Yes, of course he did it. Ashcroft, Isabel Oakeshott, their publisher and the Daily Mail have not just put that one out there and hoped for the best.

Those who claim that this was just youthful high jinks must therefore believe that it happened. Well, of course it happened.

What age are Toby Young's children, that they are in a house with a man who thinks that such behaviour is acceptable? And he runs a school! A school, gentle reader. A school.