Switching Places

The uncanny Adolf Eichmann lookalike Simon Henig has form for actively hating Catholics, as those of us who remember his changes to school transport policy will recall. He no doubt hates the disabled, too. But the Catholic angle is perhaps more important, especially alongside the fact that I am also mixed-race. Both Henig and his accomplices in the Crown Prosecution Service, with whom he is engaged in a conspiracy to pervert the course of justice against me, and thus also in malfeasance in public office, obviously hate Catholics to the point of being prepared to fabricate criminal offences that never took place at all in order to send us to prison, and obviously object to race-mixing as a matter of principle. One really does have to ask why.

I have no complaint against Durham Constabulary. Quite the reverse, in fact. They openly would not have charged me, and anyone who doubts that is free to ask them. Ask the Chief Constable, Mike Barton, directly, "Would you have charged David Lindsay?" That is a Yes-No question. I have no complaint against the poor prosecution counsel, who was visibly embarrassed, like an actress with a duff script, and to whom I might very well send a bunch of flowers or something when this is all over. I have no complaint against the judge, who was on the brink of throwing the whole thing out, but one of Oliver Kamm's little minions was still pursuing another, also fictitious, allegation against me at the time. That minion and his master ought now to be prosecuted for wasting Police time.

But Simon Henig and the Director of Public Prosecutions, Alison Saunders (who is tellingly neither a Dame nor a QC), ought to be publicly birched. Beginning this year, that birching of their bare buttocks ought to be carried live on television every Christmas Day, perhaps during the commercial break in Coronation Street. Their respective children ought to be compelled to perform it. Once Henig and Saunders were dead, then their corpses ought to be preserved in such a way as to ensure that, at the hands of their accursed descendants, this custom could continue to provide good, clean, family fun and festive cheer for hundreds, thousands, millions and even billions of years to come.

Then again, the whole "case" against me could be withdrawn or dismissed on Friday. Henig and Saunders would still deserve to be birched publicly and on television, annually in life and in death. But magnanimity is all, and it would be enough for the latter to retire without her pension or her CB, while the former, stripped of his CBE, were deported to Israel and declared persona non grata from the United Kingdom in perpetuity, to live out the remainder of his days in the former accommodation of his apparent natural father, Adolf Eichmann.