Freelance journalist and Independent political activist, open to offers in both capacities. Contact email@example.com. Accepts PayPal.
You. Because if Douglas Murray can go on it, despite having no relevant qualifications other than a liking for the sound of his own voice and a set of ridiculous and unpopular political views, then so can you.
Unlike him (or Frank Skinner, probably), I'd need a fee and travel expenses.