Ruled Out

There are no rules anymore. Ann Limb retains her peerage. Peter Mandelson is still on the Privy Council. Yvette Cooper, Steve Reed and Josh Simons are all still in office. Neither Mandelson nor Simons has been arrested. Mandelson's close friend Margaret Hodge is being lined up to chair Ofcom; as Leader of Islington Council, she not only presided over what amounted to a network of child brothels, but she did so while advertising in The Lady for a nanny.

Antonia Romeo has been appointed Cabinet Secretary. "The Queen of Woke" has been welcomed by Reform UK's probable candidate for Foreign Secretary, Nadhim Zahawi. The Lord Advocate, Dorothy Bain KC, told John Swinney the details of the case against Peter Murrell before they had been made public, prompting it to be delayed until after the Holyrood elections. And on and on it goes.