Anyone would think that the Government needed to distract attention from something.
Now, ladies, and indeed gentlemen, get yourselves a dose of Novichok. Behold the Before and After.
Before:
After:
Political prisoner, activist, journalist, hymn-writer, emerging thinktanker, aspiring novelist, "tribal elder", 2019 parliamentary candidate for North West Durham, Shadow Leader of the Opposition, "Speedboat", "The Cockroach", eagerly awaiting the second (or possibly third) attempt to murder me.
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