Peter Hitchens is so good today that I have two from him:
Here’s an idea for Anthony Blair, whose vanity-packed memoirs will begin to fall like lumps of lead from the presses all too soon. Don’t bother having any signing sessions, not least because the country can’t afford the police presence. Just sit in a warehouse on some industrial estate and sign almost all the books. Then charge extra for the rare unsigned copies. People will give a lot more for an object they can be sure that you haven’t actually touched. They could even be offered as prizes.
And then, if you actually make any money, give it all to charities which help the maimed and bereaved people of Iraq, and the maimed British soldiers and bereaved military families whose grief and loss you caused by your vanity and your inability to stand up to the White House. And then just please go away, where we’ll never have to look at your silly face, or hear your silly voice, ever again. In return, we’ll all pretend that you wrote the book yourself.