Hardly anyone takes it, apparently. Who knew?
I am all in favour of paternity leave. But I cannot see why it should only be available so early in the child’s life. Especially if the child is still breast-feeding, what, with the best will in the world, is the father actually doing all day?
Whereas a teenager, in particular, might very well benefit enormously if his or her father were in a position to say, “That’s it, I’m taking that bit of paternity leave I’ve been owed all these years, and since I’m either back at work the following Monday morning or I lose my job, then this will be sorted out by that Sunday night at the latest, oh yes it will be!” And I do not only, perhaps not even primarily, mean a male teenager.
So let him be able to take it. And let there be a legal presumption of equal parenting, the restoration of the tax allowance to fathers for so long as Child Benefit is being paid to mothers, and the restoration of the requirement that the providers of fertility treatment take into account the child’s need for a father.
There have many hostile reactions to the first of these suggestions, even though it is apparently an expression of mainstream feminism (not something of which I am often accused), when I have written about it in the past. And I know why.
Yes, there is the fact that this would kill off a good skive. Just what is he doing while, in particular, the child is still being breastfed? I mean, apart from being paid? And yes, there is the fact that this is a challenge to one of the flagships or totems of New Labour smugness, namely paternity leave as presently arranged. They are terribly, terribly proud of having introduced it, and they simply assume, as is their wont, that everyone agrees with them. But there are three rather deeper reasons for my interlocutors’ ire.
One is that I want the ability to sit around watching the television and feeling self-satisfied while the wife changes nappies to be replaced with an ability, and thus a firm expectation, that proper paternal authority will be exercised, not least in adolescence.
The second is that that authority requires an economic basis, namely high-wage, high-skilled, high-status jobs such as only the State can ever guarantee, and such as very often only the State can actually deliver.
And the third is that I do not regard, and cannot understand, the simple presupposition on the part of my critics that childbirth is some horrific freak occurrence, rather than something for which - now see if you can take this in - the female body is designed, so that women have been having babies for ever.
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"Especially if the child is still breast-feeding, what, with the best will in the world, is the father actually doing all day?"
ReplyDeleteSleep-deprivation takes its toll on the memory, but the following is a partial list of what I was doing in the first two weeks after my son's birth:
Cooking/cleaning/laundry/hoovering - all the housework normally shared between two people. Not heroic, but time consuming. Cooking is especially important, because mothers (esp. but not only if breastfeeding need calories).
Walking the baby - if the baby doesn't go to sleep, which many of them do not, somebody has to walk round the block as many times as it takes until the little angel drops off. This mainly happens after midnight and can easily last for an hour. You could ask the mother to do it, but only if you want to see her cry.
Sitting downstairs holding a screaming baby for two hours while the mother sleeps. Closely related to the above.
Changing nappies and or dressing/bathing the baby: tasks that you learn to do one handed, but in those first fragile days are so much easier with two pairs of hands.
Reassuring the mother that everything is going well and that she and her baby are well-loved.
Helping the mother recover from childbirth which is neither a disease nor a freak event, but is not exactly a stroll in the park either.
Bonding with the baby.
Forming a family, and learning/showing what my place in it is.
So, now you know.
As for your three deeper objections: I hope I've shown you that there's a lot more to paternity leave than sitting around watching TV and feeling self-satisfied. But if you genuinely believe that most fathers feel that way at the very moment when they first become fathers, what possible justification can you have for believing that some x years later they won't still treat PL as a skive? Apparently if we wait long enough, they'll start to take it seriously because... well, because you say they will. If you're a crap dad at birth, you'll be a crap dad at 4, 8, 10, 13 or 16.
ReplyDeleteYour second point bears no relation to paternity leave. There is no mutual exclusivity between high wage/status jobs and paternity leave. And the suggestion that a man who loses his job somehow also loses his paternal authority smacks of crude economic determinism.
As for the third point, while childbirth has indeed been going on for a while, I defy you to name any point in history where a) it wasn't regarded as a big deal for the woman involved and b) new mothers weren't regarded as needing round-the-clock support. Or perhaps you can explain why fathers are uniquely unqualified to give that support.
Alas my own sons were born before Paternity Leave was introduced in the Civil Service...initially I believe...three days.
ReplyDeleteI presume David that you are not a father yurself but for a dad ....those first few days are incredible exciting and busy. Indeed even the few days before are incredible.
Babies have a tendency to arrive in unexpected ways at unexpected times and the whole happy trauma of false alarms and contraction counting are part of the shared experience of daddy amd mammy. For those of us who have witnessed our babies journey into the world and beheld the suffering our beloeved wives go thru....paternity leave at THAT time is a wonderful way of bringing the Father into the experience.
Although I was not a recipient of "paternity leave" I took a lot of time off at that time. and indeed when my wife (AND I!!!) suffered the trauma of miscarriage.
Really that IS the Time when Paternity leave is most applicable. Responsible employers already have "carers leave" to cover unexpected family trauma.
Not quite clear if you have already experienced this unparalled joy but I a m assuming you havent.
This means that some day you WILL experience this deep deep joy and I sincerely hope you have lots of paternity leave.