Well, why not? If, that is, it were available at any point up until the child was 18 or left school, whichever happened later.
I am all in favour of paternity leave. But I cannot see why it should only be available so early in the child’s life. Especially if the child is still breast-feeding, what, with the best will in the world, is the father actually doing all day?
Whereas a teenager, in particular, might very well benefit enormously if his or her father were in a position to say, “That’s it, I’m taking that bit of paternity leave I’ve been owed all these years, and since I’m either back at work the following Monday morning or I lose my job, then this will be sorted out by that Sunday night at the latest, oh yes it will be!” And I do not only, perhaps not even primarily, mean a male teenager.
So let him be able to take it. And let there be a legal presumption of equal parenting, the restoration of the tax allowance to fathers for so long as Child Benefit is being paid to mothers, and the restoration of the requirement that the providers of fertility treatment take into account the child’s need for a father.
There have many hostile reactions to the first of these suggestions, even though it is apparently an expression of mainstream feminism (not something of which I am often accused), when I have written about it in the past. And I know why.
Yes, there is the fact that this would kill off a good skive. Just what is he doing while, in particular, the child is still being breastfed? I mean, apart from being paid?
And yes, there is the fact that this is a challenge to one of the flagships or totems of New Labour smugness, namely paternity leave as presently arranged. They are terribly, terribly proud of having introduced it, and they simply assume, as is their wont, that everyone agrees with them.
But there are three rather deeper reasons for my interlocutors’ ire.
One is that I want the ability to sit around watching the television and feeling self-satisfied while the wife changes nappies to be replaced with an ability, and thus a firm expectation, that proper paternal authority will be exercised, not least in adolescence.
The second is that that authority requires an economic basis, namely high-wage, high-skilled, high-status jobs such as only the State can ever guarantee, and such as very often only the State can actually deliver.
And the third is that I do not regard, and cannot understand, the simple presupposition on the part of my critics that childbirth is some horrific freak occurrence, rather than something for which - now see if you can take this in - the female body is designed, so that women have been having babies for ever.
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I am all in favour of paternity leave. But I cannot see why it should only be available so early in the child’s life. Especially if the child is still breast-feeding, what, with the best will in the world, is the father actually doing all day?
ReplyDeleteDavid, it would be easier and quicker for you to write, "I have no idea what is involved in childbirth, recovery from childbirth or caring for an infant."
Speaking as someone who has been through this particular mill, let me clue you in to a few facts:
1) Women have, as you say, been giving birth for generations. And for all those generations it has been a physically and mentally exhausting process. Even the best possible birth will involve a labour that lasts for 18 hours, during which the largest muscle in the woman's body is under constant strain. The actual delivery may be smooth and easy, but it very well may not. You would benefit at this point from considering all the implications of the words "tearing" and "stitches". These are quite common occurrences and are, I am vigorously assured, no joke whatsoever. In any case, women who have just delivered a baby are generally in a state of exhaustion and have probably, unless the birth was entirely without any hitches, gone through something of an emotional wringer.
2) It should be clear then, that a new mother needs some immediate support, to enable her to do things like a) sleep, b) eat, c) avoid walking around if at all possible and d)calm down, relax and enjoy her first days with her baby. Some newborn babies are gracious enough to sleep long and steadily, and in synchronisation with their parent(s) - many are not, and require round-the-clock comforting and attention. This is not a job for one person, unless you hate that person and want to see them sleep-deprived and sobbing. This might be a good time to ask yourself why post-partum depression exists, and has been known to exist for generations, and whether it might be connected with the enormous emotional and physical burden facing new and unsupported mothers. There is no shortage of work for a father to do in looking after both mother and baby - if you genuinely only know men who have watched TV while their wife breastfeeds, then you need to meet people who aren't total aresholes.
3) Breastfeeding is, indeed, something that only a mother can do. However, it also a physicallly draining process, surprisingly akin to giving blood 8-10 times a day. Anyone engaged in it is going to find themselves low on energy, and in need of support.
4)Again, despite your protestations that childbirth is perfectly natural, it has never, in the entirety of human history or pre-history, been the case that new mothers were expected to look after their babies single-handedly. There has always been a support available. Why you think fathers should be barred from giving this support is a mystery.
And all of this has been going on for ever, too. As I said, I am all in favour of paternity leave. At the points when fathers are particularly important. And, moreover, sometimes need to be reminded that they are.
ReplyDeleteWhat you are talking about is not paternity leave, in that it is not primarily for the benefit of the child. It is a sort of husbandry leave. Provisions for looking after a "physically and mentally exhausted" spouse already exist.
There is no better time to remind a man of the importance of being a father than immediately after his child has been born. And the distinction you are attempting to draw between looking after a new mother and looking after the baby is mere sophistry. If you know anything about family life, you know that such distinctions are meaningless.
ReplyDeleteTake it from someone who's been there David - there is a valuable role for fathers to play immediately the child is born. Sending them out to work and leaving the mother to get on with it is not the basis for buildling a strong family.
Who mentioned that? I am a strong supporter, both of the extended family and the network of friends, and of the National Health Service.
ReplyDeleteThe father has to go back to work sometime. And what about when a teenager needs his or her father to sort out a crisis, even if it takes a week to do so? Paternity leave would be far more useful then.
Birth comes to every child. Teenage crises, I am glad to say, do not.
ReplyDeleteFor example, I was born, and I never had a teenage crisis sufficiently serious for either of my parents to need to take time off work. I realise I'm lucky in this; but I also wonder what kind of crisis you have in mind, what you expect the father to do, and why you see this as a paternity leave entitlement rather than a transferable parental leave entitlement. If teenage crises need intervention, why does it have to be from Dad and not Mum?