Monday 3 December 2018

Of Claret and Clarity

There is now a joke among the local magistracy that 2019 will see me on the roof of a prison, protesting about the poor quality of the champagne. But I could live with moderately less than perfect champagne, if I absolutely had to. On single malt whisky, however, there can be no compromise. And there would be no compromise. See you on the prison roof.

Welcome to how seriously this whole business is being taken by anyone at all apart from the socially less than quite acceptable figures of Oliver Kamm, Simon Henig and the Crown Prosecution Service. To anyone who might reasonably be called either English or a gentleman, it is a joke.

Upon my election to Parliament, I am thinking of sending each of Kamm, Henig and the CPS a case of claret, for the sheer comedy value of knowing that none of them would have any idea what it was. Or of sending each of them a case of washing up liquid, with a note saying that it was claret, for the sheer comedy value of knowing that none of them would be able to tell the difference.

Ah, yes, my election to Parliament. Not that anyone expects the third attempt to put me on trial to lead to anything, but I am positively longing for a General Election either on 28th March, so that I would begin my trial as a newly elected MP, or on 4th April, so that I would be elected to Parliament during my trial, which is "expected" to last "five days plus" despite the supposedly incontrovertible evidence against me, evidence of which not one scrap has ever been produced.

In any event, however, another hung Parliament is coming, and we need our people to hold the balance of power in it. I will stand for this seat of North West Durham, if I can raise the £10,000 necessary to mount a serious campaign. Please email Very many thanks.

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