Cheer up, Michel Barnier. No one in Great Britain or the Irish Republic understands where the DUP is coming from, either, and most people in Northern Ireland wish that they didn't.
There is no way of making the Irish Border work after Brexit. It can't be done. It just can't. My personal favourite idea is the use of drones. In an agricultural area. Where teenage boys would shoot them down for the sheer entertainment value.