Lap It Up

I have never been fooled for one moment by lap-dancing clubs, which were unknown in this country even only 10 years ago. No one would set up a restaurant in which the customers were only permitted to look at the food, or a pub in which they were only permitted to look at the beer. We can all see what lap-dancing clubs really are. Yet they are licensed as nothing more than bars with entertainment, as if their activities were merely live music or a stand-up comedian.

But as of 1st April, all new and existing lap-dancing clubs will have to give notice in a local newspaper, and display notices of their applications for 21 days on or near the premises. Objectors will have 28 days to object in writing, and councils will be free to refuse applications on the grounds that "the number of establishments in the locality is equal to or exceeds the number which the authority considers appropriate for the area," a number which can specifically be "nil" should the council so choose. Don't vote for any councillor who doesn't vote for nil. If necessary, put up against them.

The grant of a license would also be inappropriate with regard to the character of the relevant locality; or the use to which the premises in the vicinity are put; or the layout, character or condition of the premises. In that case, a lap-dancing club is by definition inappropriate to the character of any locality. If the premises in the vicinity are, well, anything at all, then a lap-dancing is by definition inappropriate in their midst.

And all of these things also apply to the sorts of establishments to which these strictures already apply, such as sex shops and pornographic cinemas. This is our chance to close down each and every one of them.

The only problem is that a pub or club will still be able to hold up to 11 lap-dancing events per year without having to apply for a license of this kind. So don't vote for anyone who as an MP would not vote and campaign to correct this defect. Make sure that you have someone who will do so on your ballot paper.