Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road

As he prepares for his farewell gig at Glastonbury tonight, I bring you the words attributed to Hilary Armstrong: "David Lindsay is just a fact of life. You may as well complain about Elton John." The same story is told in which she compared me to Rod Stewart, but it is perfectly possible that she said each to a different audience.

It is Hilary's Labour Party again now, so it has been briefing The Times that only 10 of its MPs were capable of being Ministers, meaning that it would have to appoint Peers to make up the difference. That would involve 90 or more ennoblements on the first day of a Starmer Government. But while there would probably not be that many, there would be more than enough to force even the Parliamentary Labour Party to face how stupid it had been to have insisted on Keir Starmer for Leader, to the point of having planned to secede from the Labour Party and to litigate for its assets if it had elected anyone else.

Scores of those people, the list of whom must already exist, would join the Labour Party on the same day as they joined the House of Lords, the Government, and in some cases the Cabinet. Well, why should they be the only people outside the two main parties who were considered for high office? Why should that not apply to elected representatives? There are those who want a hung Parliament so that the return of the Liberal Democrats to government might lead to something called "Proportional Representation", leading in turn, they assume, to permanent Cabinet seats for the Lib Dems.

But that did not happen last time. Instead, we got the austerity programme, and the war in Libya, the catastrophic consequences of both of which will be with us for the rest of our lives. A different electoral system need not necessarily have that result, anyway. And changing the electoral system is one of those issues where the arguments on both sides are rubbish, meaning that the case for change has not been made. Do not want a hung Parliament in the hope that it might lead to this, nor fear it lest it do so. Expect it, since it is coming, and prepare in earnest to make very good use of it.

When I tell you that there is going to be a hung Parliament, then you can take that to the bank. I spent the 2005 Parliament saying that it was psephologically impossible for the Heir to Blair's Conservative Party to win an overall majority. I predicted a hung Parliament on the day that the 2017 General Election was called, and I stuck to that, entirely alone, all the way up to the publication of the exit poll eight long weeks later. And I say again that on the day that Rishi Sunak became Prime Minister, I predicted that a General Election between him and Keir Starmer would result in a hung Parliament.

To strengthen families and communities by securing economic equality and international peace through the democratic political control of the means to those ends, including national and parliamentary sovereignty, we need to hold the balance of power. Owing nothing to either main party, we must be open to the better offer. There does, however, need to be a better offer. Not a lesser evil, which in any case the Labour Party is not.

The Clergy Challenge: Day 688

I invite each and every bishop, priest and deacon of the Diocese of Hexham and Newcastle to contact davidaslindsay@hotmail.com if he thought that I was factually or morally guilty of any criminal charge that had ever been brought against me.

Not legally guilty; Bill Cosby is legally innocent. Factually and morally guilty. No name would be published except at the request of its bearer, but if anyone ever did get in touch, then the readers of this site would be the first to know. The current total is zero.

This post will appear daily until further notice.

The Representatives Challenge: Day 688

As already stated on the day after my release: "The instant that Labour lost control of Durham County Council, then I was granted an unsolicited tag for more than 10 weeks of future good behaviour. I invite each and every Member of Parliament for the area covered by Durham County Council, each and every member of Durham County Council, and each and every member of Lanchester Parish Council, to contact davidaslindsay@hotmail.com if they thought that I was factually or morally guilty of any criminal charge that had ever been brought against me. Not legally guilty; Bill Cosby is legally innocent. Factually and morally guilty. No name would be published except at the request of its bearer, but if anyone ever did get in touch, then the readers of this site would be the first to know." The current total is zero.

Furthermore, I invite each and every other candidate for the parliamentary seat containing Lanchester to contact davidaslindsay@hotmail.com if they thought that I was factually or morally guilty of any criminal charge that had ever been brought against me. Not legally guilty; Bill Cosby is legally innocent. Factually and morally guilty. In this case, names most certainly will be published, including as part of my election literature. The current total is zero. If that remained the case when the next General Election was called, then my literature would state that each and all of my opponents, by name, did not think that I was factually or morally guilty of any criminal charge that had ever been brought against me. At least in that event, then I challenge Oliver Kamm to contest this seat.

This post will appear daily until further notice.

By Popular Demand

I know that Guns N' Roses are on until two o'clock, and you do have to admire a three-hour, late night set at their age. But by popular demand, Oh, Jeremy Corbyn: The Big Lie is on at one o'clock, Nomad Stage, Shangri-la. Ask in the Bureau de Change, next to Sisterhood, if you cannot find it.

You read this here first. Oh, Jeremy Corbyn: The Big Lie will have been shown on a Freeview channel before the end of this Parliament. Meanwhile, Wes Streeting has pulled out of Glastonbury, where he was to have been introduced by Billy Bragg, who should now have a cage fight with Ben Sellers. But should it then be the winner, or the loser, who faced me, and why?

Update 00:30: Guns N' Roses have finished, so you have time to get over to Nomad Stage, Shangri-la. Ask in the Bureau de Change, next to Sisterhood, if you cannot find it.

War and Peace, Abridged

And so ends the latest in history's long line of marches on Moscow. The snow must fall particularly heavily at this time of year.

This was the first such column to have been designed to suit social media and 24-hour rolling news. 24 hours ago, the Wagner Group was a rabble of Nazis that had been crushed by the Ukrainian Army, even though it was not and it had not. Two hours ago, it was a body of brave patriots that was capable of crushing the Russian Army, even though it was neither. But what is it now?

What of Alexander Lukashenko, who had taken flight, except that he had not, like the precarious puppet that he was, except that he was not? And what if Vladimir Putin now wanted Russia to have the Wagner Group's territory and interests in much of the world, especially Africa, as well as in Ukraine?

One thing is for certain. We must stay out of this. Where necessary, we must be able to work with whoever had won. Therefore, we must not get on the wrong side of anyone who might. Yet that is not the position of the Conservatives, Labour, the Liberal Democrats, the SNP, or anyone who comes with any of them.

But when I tell you that there is going to be a hung Parliament, then you can take that to the bank. I spent the 2005 Parliament saying that it was psephologically impossible for the Heir to Blair's Conservative Party to win an overall majority. I predicted a hung Parliament on the day that the 2017 General Election was called, and I stuck to that, entirely alone, all the way up to the publication of the exit poll eight long weeks later. And I say again that on the day that Rishi Sunak became Prime Minister, I predicted that a General Election between him and Keir Starmer would result in a hung Parliament.

To strengthen families and communities by securing economic equality and international peace through the democratic political control of the means to those ends, including national and parliamentary sovereignty, we need to hold the balance of power. Owing nothing to either main party, we must be open to the better offer. There does, however, need to be a better offer. Not a lesser evil, which in any case the Labour Party is not.

Regime Change In Your Head

24 hours ago, the mere existence of the Wagner Group was screeched as the proof that the Russians, and by extension all critics of Boris Johnson's war in Ukraine, were "the real Nazis", and that we had pretty much made up Svoboda, Pravy Sektor, the National Corps, C14, the Azov Battalion, the Aidar Battalion, the Donbas Battalion, the Dnipro-1 Battalion, the Dnipro-2 Battalion, and the Kraken Regiment.

What a difference a day makes. Suddenly, Yevgeny Prigozhin is Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He's not, you know. He is really, really, really not. Rather, he has changed sides, as belligerents in any war often do, to ally instead with the Freedom of Russia Legion and with the Russian Volunteer Corps, as well as with all of the above. He has done so only for the money, of course; that is what mercenaries do and are. But if the Wagner Group were not Nazis, albeit for pay, yesterday, then they certainly are today. And you love them for it. 

Instead of being on neither or no side due to having little interest while nevertheless needing, to some extent, to have to deal with whoever won, the British Government loves them for it. The Labour Party, and therefore also the SDLP, love them for it. The Liberal Democrats, and therefore also the Alliance Party, love them for it. The SNP, and therefore also Plaid Cymru, love them it. The Greens, who are the King's Party in every way, and who are already hardline hawks in government in Germany, love them for it. The DUP, the National Conservatives, and the Boris Johnson Fan Club that is the Conservative Democratic Organisation, love them for it. The Socialist Campaign Group loves them for it. Sinn Féin loves them for it.

But when I tell you that there is going to be a hung Parliament, then you can take that to the bank. I spent the 2005 Parliament saying that it was psephologically impossible for the Heir to Blair's Conservative Party to win an overall majority. I predicted a hung Parliament on the day that the 2017 General Election was called, and I stuck to that, entirely alone, all the way up to the publication of the exit poll eight long weeks later. And I say again that on the day that Rishi Sunak became Prime Minister, I predicted that a General Election between him and Keir Starmer would result in a hung Parliament.

To strengthen families and communities by securing economic equality and international peace through the democratic political control of the means to those ends, including national and parliamentary sovereignty, we need to hold the balance of power. Owing nothing to either main party, we must be open to the better offer. There does, however, need to be a better offer. Not a lesser evil, which in any case the Labour Party is not.

Taking All Necessary Measures?

Developments of this kind are normal in wars. Allegiances shift even among principled parties. Never mind mercenaries. As to who were the Wagner Group's new paymasters, we shall find out soon enough. But they had better not include us. What if the other side won? Or another side, yet to emerge as such? Where would that leave us?

My own private military company is to be called Oliver's Army. Its badge will feature this image, in the full expectation that the enemy would die laughing. PMCs are one of his class's great gifts to the world. An Old Ampelfordian or an Old Malvernian cannot be a mercenary, so once the middle-aged Sir David Stirling and John Woodhouse were trying to find something to do after the SAS, then they had to call themselves something else. Headquartered in the swanky heart of West London. Naturally. But registered in Jersey. Naturally.

And of course the Americans have blocked the appointment of Ben Wallace as Secretary General of NATO, which had already lost Bakhmut to a private company that was largely staffed by dregs who were not allowed even in their country's conscript Army, the Army with which that company is now at war. That whole Wallace thing had the feel of the turn of the century nonsense that Tony Blair was going to become "President of the European Union", and of those 1980s tabloid claims that Queen Elizabeth II was going to become "Queen of Europe". What an insular place London can be.

Wallace's record in Northern Ireland would have been repugnant enough to the United States even if he had not faked its centrepiece, and even if the end of the pretence of Irish neutrality had not been high on the agenda precisely because Sinn Féin had given up on it, in no small part under American influence. With Boris Johnson gone, then Wallace is the figure in office most associated with Johnson's war in Ukraine, at least until Keir Starmer revived Johnson's foreign policy along with Liz Truss's economic policy.

But when I tell you that there is going to be a hung Parliament, then you can take that to the bank. I spent the 2005 Parliament saying that it was psephologically impossible for the Heir to Blair's Conservative Party to win an overall majority. I predicted a hung Parliament on the day that the 2017 General Election was called, and I stuck to that, entirely alone, all the way up to the publication of the exit poll eight long weeks later. And on the day that Rishi Sunak became Prime Minister, I predicted that a General Election between him and Starmer would result in a hung Parliament.

To strengthen families and communities by securing economic equality and international peace through the democratic political control of the means to those ends, including national and parliamentary sovereignty, we need to hold the balance of power. Owing nothing to either main party, we must be open to the better offer. There does, however, need to be a better offer. Not a lesser evil, which in any case the Labour Party is not.