Stable?

A sometime member of Tony Blair's Cabinet is alleged to have said either, or possibly both, "David Lindsay is just a fact of life, you may as well complain about Elton John" or "David Lindsay is just a fact of life, you may as well complain about Rod Stewart". One of the lay great and good of this Diocese has "the David Lindsay Rule", according to which, "If you behave like royalty, eventually people will assume that you are and treat you as such." Those rank with the canon lawyer in these parts who pronounces that, "David Lindsay has the force of local custom."

Two well-connected Corbynites were unaware that I was at the urinal around the corner when one asked the other that if the monarchy were to be abolished, "What would you have instead? David Lindsay?" George Galloway once promised live on air to take a seat in the House of Lords if I did. A member of Jeremy Corbyn's Shadow Cabinet, on learning the origin of the word "grandee", opined that, "That sounds like something they would give to David Lindsay." Another offered me a peerage "when I'm Prime Minister" so that I could be Foreign Secretary because, "You're the international idea of an Englishman."

But I have never claimed to be English. My father was not English. My mother is not English. I have lived here for eleven twelfths of my life, but unlike two of my siblings, I was not born in England. That last distinguishes me from Suella Braverman, who was born in London, yet who contends that, "I am not English. I am a proud British Asian." Which other proud British Asians who were born in England are not English, according to Braverman? Which proud British Asians who were born in Scotland are not Scottish? Which proud British Asians who were born in Wales are not Welsh? Presumably all of them. Braverman was Home Secretary twice. Twice. In that capacity, she forwarded her work emails to her private account. Digital ID, anyone?

Rishi Sunak should join Claire Coutinho and Braverman's archenemy, Priti Patel, in demanding Braverman's removal from the Conservative Party. Would Nigel Farage take her, and lose Zia Yusuf? There would always be Ben Habib, who would no doubt be delighted at such drawing of attention to the fact that he had been born in Pakistan, where had lived until he was 14. If Advance UK would welcome a brown MP who trotted out the line about a stable and a horse, then its brown candidate for Prime Minister was not even born in the stable.