Full Steam Ahead

I am not sure whether or not I believe it, but the rumour is that Keir Starmer's staff have steamed open the envelope and seen the Fixed Penalty Notice, yet he refuses to look upon it and therefore maintains that he has never been served with it. Witnesses are prepared to testify in court, which does look like game over in relation to what is, after all, only the same sort of thing as a parking ticket.

But Starmer is a very distinguished barrister who no doubt does have some technicality on which he might get off. He is also an utterly inexperienced politician who either does not know or, more probably, does not care how badly such wriggling and hair-splitting would go down with the electorate.

When did Starmer last appear in a Magistrates' Court? Has he ever done so? Take it from me that you need not bother with legal niceties there. They do not want to know. They are a conveyor belt for convictions, and I doubt that he complained about that when he was Director of Public Prosecutions.

If Starmer had the wit to engage a solicitor who appeared before the beaks on a regular basis, then he would be told all of this in no uncertain terms. But he will not be doing that. He will be representing himself. This hilarious spectacle looks set to be coming to a Magistrates' Court near me. See you there.