Monday 10 August 2020

"F*ck Me, It's David Miliband!"

The ITV1 gameshow Cleverball was hosted by David Miliband, and was marked by his catchphrase, "That's Cleverball!" But it never quite acquired the size of audience, or the level of public affection, of its most obvious predecessor, 3-2-1. This was despite the bringing out of retirement of Dusty Bin, which was universally recognised as bearing a very striking resemblance to the host.

Cleverball was cancelled after two series, but Miliband remained under contract, leading to the ITV2 hidden camera programme, F*ck Me, It's David Miliband! This was notable for the fact that, as it was about to come on, the announcer would intone, "And now on ITV2, F*ck Me, It's David Miliband!"

In apparently humdrum situations, the eponymous hero would reveal himself from under an improbable disguise. A prize of one thousand pounds would be payable to the targeted member of the public, if his or her first words were, "F*ck me, it's David Miliband!"

Never intended to be a massive hit, the show began to lose even its modest ratings after a Christmas Special during which Boris Johnson not only failed to utter the catchphrase, but very obviously had no idea who Miliband was. A Downing Street inquiry into the security breach led to widespread coverage of Miliband's complicity in torture during his previously long-forgotten attempt to dabble in politics.

With Miliband's having retained a vanity credit as an executive producer, there followed one series of ITV2's F*ck Me, It's Liz Truss!, three weeks of an expected eight-week run for ITV3's F*ck Me, It's Gavin Williamson!, and a single half-hour of F*ck Me, It's Anneliese Dodds!, the broadcast of which led to the closure of ITV4. The Cleverball board game now fetches several hundred pounds on eBay.

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